Some thoughts I had...

Lord, humble me. I know nothing about struggle. I see poverty everywhere. A child in rags, with no shoes and belly impregnated out due to worms and malnourishment is a more common sight than a street light would be at home. I get 3 square meals a day if not more amongst some of the most starving people in the world. I stand out like a white thread on a new black shirt. There is no blending in. What do they when they see me? My North American nerves tell me that they see money, they see answers, hope, something for free, a meal. I pray that they would see Jesus, that they would look beyond my skin and beyond the fact that I am a foreigner. I have never wished that I was a different color so much. I feel I could be such a better help if I could just sit down on their level. Sit beside them, one on one, and pray, look into their eyes and tell them they are loved beyond circumstance. The crazy thing is, this is what they have done for me. I feel as though I know nothing, like everything I thought I knew about God and about love, about life; it’s all obsolete. Now I know it’s not completely useless, I will grow and learn of course, but once again, “I’m standing on the edge of me, standing on the edge of everything I thought I ever knew.” I have had almost everything I have ever needed. So much, that subconsciously I believe I don’t need God. That I can get along with out him. That’s what my culture has taught me, to live for you, to get ahead, to be somebody, to make it to the top, no matter who gets in the way, no matter what the emotional or physical cost. Money and status are everything. I feel like getting sick all over the place, and screaming at the top of my lungs. I want to throw away everything I have ever known and start over, to really know what it really means to live. It has nothing to do with education, with school, with a 9-5 job, with clothes, where you sit in church, what you do on Friday, what car you drive, what shoes you where, where you golf, if you golf, if you have coffee at Starbucks or Tim Horton’s. It matters if you know God. It matters if you know that you are loved beyond all circumstance, that there is all the joy, wisdom, encouragement, comfort and guidance you could ever need, dream of or ask for. It matters that you know you are a part of a plan, a part of a huge preparation. You are a part of something that is so big, so beyond, yourself that you have to trust in the one who has but it all together. Trust and know that he did not make a mistake with you, that he did not and will never forget about you. He has the air you will breathe measured and the steps you will walk laid out. The only thing that can hold you back is you. Its all weather you choose to know, to believe, to trust; or to let it all go, put it out in the back shed and forget. You can go for your own plans, and your own desires, that are destined to a life of loneliness and empty temporary fulfillment or let it go. Place your whole life, your whole mind body and soul into the hands of the creator and let him guide your life. Let him show you joy beyond any earthy pleasure you can ever feel. Let him take you, personally by the hand, look into your eyes, and lead you; tell you what is best, and where to go. God longs for this; he did not place you on this earth to be alone. He didn’t create this miraculously unique person, full of hopes and desires, dreams, emotions and thoughts; only to leave him to the dogs of this world. It is his desire, the longing of his heart to help you and love you, just as you would with a younger sibling, or a father or mother to their child. A mother and father do not have a new born infant child and then place him out in the streets to raise them selves. In the same way, God does not create us to set us out in a mine field by ourselves. He wants to be there every step of the way and every breath of the way. Every joy, pain, tear, broken bone, broken dream, death, heart ache, longing, laugh, every love, every loss, and every triumph of the way.