Flurry of Emotions.

I wish i could explain how i feel right now. I wish i could grab all my emotions and put them out, piece by piece and show you, this is it, this is how i feel and what i am going through. But i cant, im not even close. Im at, pretty much, the craziest place ive ever been in. All i can do is trust. Trust that you God, are going to take care of my whole family and their hearts. My dad, my mom, my sister, dennis, trevor, natasha, and all my friends. I just have to cry out from the depths of me, that your power Lord would proctect them, and heal them and love them. That you have the plan God. Im trusting in you with all that i am, cause i have nothing else. I can not do this on my own, there is no way. I dont want to, and it would be crazy. I long to be effective, to help people. To be a living example of you Lord. To show people the hope, the answer, that their heart so desperately longs for.
On Saturday morning im getting on a plane. Im going to get on that plane, and leave everything behind. I want to let myself be broken, stripped down, my whole being chiseled away. I want to be open and and ready for whatever you have Lord. I dont want my old stubborn north american flesh to get in the way. I dont want to care about what i look like, or how i sound. It's SO not about me. I am nothing. Nobody.
Lord, i pray now that you would move in me. Melt away every useless bit. I pray you would fill me with your spirit, and ignite every ounce of wisdom that i have learned that i need. Let your wisdon reign within me. Let your love seep out my pores. I may not be feeling ready for the future, but i know that i am going into it. And i am not going to sit around for some "earthy" sign or feeling to let me know that its ok. You have called me, and provided, and this is happening. My dream, A dream is coming true!!!
Thank you god, thank you from all of me, thank you with my live, i long to be a living sacrifie for you always.
In Jesus Name Amen.